I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
