Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
