i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
