Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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