Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
