so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
