I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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