I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
