I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
