i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
