Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
