He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
