this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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