....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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