Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
