he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
