why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
