i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
