this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
