Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
