There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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