I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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