Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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