I think i sorta joined a cult last night
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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