You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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