Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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