your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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