So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
