What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
