at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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