So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
