This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
