his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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