Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm just crazy horny about you
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
