Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
