Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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