I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
