I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
