What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
