dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm like, not good at living.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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