I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
