I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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