Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
