Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
