So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
