just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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