Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
