I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
