Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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