There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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