meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
