Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
