I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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