ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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